heavy heart.

 i have never been this moody, depressed and short-tempered and snappy in my entire life. 

things take their way to where my anger goes, i feel as if nothing goes the right way, the thing is that i plan something and it entirely goes wrong, 

it’d not what you think it is, its very much different.

the thing is: that i have endured the pain and sorrow in hoping it will make everything fine and i will find happiness but things go wrong, i have always said that things will get better, at some point, but it never does, never. ever, maybe because i am complaining now so thats why i dont want to remember something good.

my heart reached it capacity, i cannot take any more of this. 

i wish i was stabbed in the heart maybe then the pain will go away. 

i used to feel an ache in my heart at some moments but now, my heart is aching constantly, i am suffocating. 

but i can’t unleash it, the problem had went over the limits, i may walk to get more plates or just listen to someone talking and still feel the sting in my heart. 

and at night, it is the worst… 

the moment i am alone in my bed, and everyone asleep, i can gradually let it all out, in little sobs that are silenced by my pillows. 

it starts when i feel completely alone, when the pain is being acknowledge, when it is the only thing that my conciouse mind is paying attention to. the only thing that cannot let me sleep.

a gulp form in my throat, and i know it is too late, my mouth pout involuntarily and i try to stop the tears, i dont know why, it becomes a normal reaction that i stop my tears from forming in the corner of my eye, due the fact that at some parts of the day i have this unwanted urge to let a few out. 

then it all pile up in my mind, the more i stop myself the more my head starts hurting, it will develop into an aching headache so i cry, for my sake.

i make no effort to wipe my them away, my tears, instead i bury my face in my pillow mainly to silent my sobs and the loud breathing. 

after that my heart feel a bit lighter, there is more space that can be filled up with happy things i hope. 

other nights, i read a small story or watch an mv, to let some of the pain away, so i can feel the lightness of my heart again, so i can empty all those unnecessary feelings. 

i take long breaths and smile, mostly because i head someone said its a cheap medicine, to smile that is.

How to Colour Mangacaps in Photoshop CS5

okay before we start, this is my way in colouring mangacap, you might find other ppl, doing a way better job that what i do, and thats great!, so this post is not all pro. 


first: Choose a Mangacap


second: i use the Paint Bucket Tool

to paint the major parts in the manga cap, like in this picture below, i painted her hair first and her face, and then the sharingan eyes on her forehead, all using Bucket Tool
But the bucket tool works on only the Background layer (i dont know why but yeah)

third: make a new layer, because you will colour it, the small parts, the shadowing for the face, and those little details, i colour it using my laptop, i dont have a tablet YET, so yeah


BUT, you use the "Darken" instead of normal, you will see that in the layers, above the layers, see the picture below.

the "Darken" mode makes it easier to colour !!! you wont have to worry about the black lines and stuff.

How To Recover From A Fictional Character's Death?

we've all read a book or a manga, or watched an anime or a movie or a tvshow. and we come to like this character, this one character that we loved the way they talk, they way the react to a situation and their appearances of course, and they of their thinking and sometimes they are the ones who encourage us and help us get over the obstacles we face in life.

but then, they leave, they die in their universe, you will cry,  you will actually not believe it until they confirm it and then you feel that there is a big hole being dug in your heart, tears will be shed, you will notice your bed is full of tissues that you used,  chocolate and ice cream will be needed. 

you would want to talk to someone about it, tweet about it, write about it, sing about it, or just think about it.

you would come with so many solutions and possibilities that he or she could be back. but then no matter what, you will have to admit that they won't.

someone said to me "You Dont" when i asked "Does anyone remember how to get over a character's death?" 

its true, after a while you would feel fine and in peace, but when someone brings it up or when you see a post in tumblr about it or a tweet about it, you just start having this heartache all over again, which is annoyingly painful.

those characters do make a difference in your life, their words brings you hope and help you to keep fighting no matter how things got worse. 

"will we miss them?"

OFCOURSE!

"do we have to let go"

Not necessarily. its ok, not to let go. 

in fact they will always live in our memories. 

if we look back maybe they had a reason to not exist in their universe. there won't be a reason for each character, but it took me time to realize that:

Ace (from One Piece) had to sacrifice himself to save luffy,

and so luffy can continue his adventures and become The Pirate King.

this the only example and the only character that i though i might share in this post. there won't be always a reason why this character had to die, but you will only figure it out later?  maybe? 

News about the reviews

in my old reviews i would:

- write the description.
-explain my opinion
-predictions (optional)
-characters analysis (optional)


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now:

-no description but i might write highlights of everything
-review which is opinion
-predictions
-characters analysis

motivation?

so lately i have been too lazy to write anything,

i dont know if am gonna post anything, 

Upcoming Reviews (that i will post after finals)

Reviews that should be soon published:

Fullmetal Alchemist Vol.2


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Planning on Reviewing:

Naruto (ep 53-end of the arc)

One Piece (Fisherman Island Arc Part1)

Silver Spoon (a whole review about the anime)

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What am watching now: (other than whats is above)

HunterxHunter

Detective Conan (just starting)

Tonari no Seki-kun (read the manga and watching the anime)

SCREEN SHOT OF THE WEEK

AN ANNOUNCEMENT :(

hello, to who ever read my blog.


sadly  i won't be posting any reviews probably till Feb, but if i ever had time i would!

i have some that i have wrote but not edited so there might be a couple posts.



xoxo,

the writer of this boring blog.